A lot of the movies we cover on Gymkommentary are torture to watch. But we've never really tried doing this with something billed as torture porn. Now I don't know who killed me, but I do know what movie almost killed me:
The Tale of the Tape
Film: I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
Director: Chris Sivertson
Runtime: 105 minutes
Genre: Softcore (Torture) Porn
Stars: Lindsay Lohan, Neal McDonough, Julia Ormond, The Color Blue
Rated: R for Extremely Unappealing Slow-Motion Stripteases, Graphic Behandings, and The Most Violent Glass Blowing Enthusiast Ever.
IMDb, Wikipedia, "A Modern Masterpiece: I Know Who Killed Me"
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Y'know how hack critics will go "This movie has it all!" Well I Know Who Killed Me has it none. Bad acting, atrocious dialogue, laughable plot twists, and David Lynch-lite visuals, plus it's all topped off with maybe the least sexy striptease sequences in movie history. Who watches Showgirls and thinks, "Y'know that Elizabeth Berkley really handled the transition from teen to adult parts with grace and class!"? Lindsay Lohan, that's who! So grab your psychic twin, give him or her a bouquet of blue roses, and prepare for the night of your life.