Friday, October 15, 2010

GYMKOMMENTARY #13: Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Star Trek movies. The final frontier. These are the commentary tracks of the website Gymkommentary. Its continuing mission: to make fun of terrible films, to seek out new cinematic garbage and new celluloid travesties. To boldly mock where we're pretty sure at least a couple others have mocked before.

Now just hum the TOS theme as you read through the rest of this.

The Tale of the Tape
Film: Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
Director: Robert Wise
Runtime: 136 minutes (The "Shockingly Indulgent Edition" "Director's Cut")
Genre: Slow-Moving Sci-Fi
Stars: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, All Those Other Guys From "Star Trek" Plus The Dad From "7th Heaven"
Rated: PG for Intense Phaser Violence, Graphic Kolinahr, Scenes of Masturbation (By the Special Effects Department), Crimes Against Fashion of the Future.
IMDb, Wikipedia, The Worst of Trek

To get this STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE GYMKOMMENTARY FILE in your iTunes, open iTunes then go "Advanced" to "Subscribe to Podcast" and then enter this link:

Some people might see a movie like Star Trek: The Motion Picture and think, "This movie's boring, I wonder what's on Sleuth." I saw it and thought "This movie's boring, I gotta watch this with Chris!" And watch it we did, though I wouldn't say we were...energized? Get it? Energized? Star Trek? Eh? Eh? Eh.

Anyway if you're a fan of ponderous science-fiction with no sense of pacing, and of two goofballs doing terrible James Doohan impressions while drinking straight Coconut Jack, this movie and this Gymkommentary are for you. And if you're not, may we suggest our upcoming sci-fi reality show V'Ger-sey Shore, about a spaceship full of Gorilla Juiceheads who encounter a mysterious intelligence on the edge of space (i.e. Belmar, New Jersey).

Gymkommentary 13: For Real This Time

Okay, yes, we screwed up. Promises were made. They were not kept. But this time, the next Gymkommentary is already recorded. I'm listening to it right now for quality control purposes. So it should be up next week. In the meantime, here's a clue as to what it is (We're gonna get to that other movie we were planning on doing at a later date).