Friday, October 15, 2010

GYMKOMMENTARY #13: Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Star Trek movies. The final frontier. These are the commentary tracks of the website Gymkommentary. Its continuing mission: to make fun of terrible films, to seek out new cinematic garbage and new celluloid travesties. To boldly mock where we're pretty sure at least a couple others have mocked before.

Now just hum the TOS theme as you read through the rest of this.

The Tale of the Tape
Film: Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
Director: Robert Wise
Runtime: 136 minutes (The "Shockingly Indulgent Edition" "Director's Cut")
Genre: Slow-Moving Sci-Fi
Stars: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, All Those Other Guys From "Star Trek" Plus The Dad From "7th Heaven"
Rated: PG for Intense Phaser Violence, Graphic Kolinahr, Scenes of Masturbation (By the Special Effects Department), Crimes Against Fashion of the Future.
IMDb, Wikipedia, The Worst of Trek

To get this STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE GYMKOMMENTARY FILE in your iTunes, open iTunes then go "Advanced" to "Subscribe to Podcast" and then enter this link:

Some people might see a movie like Star Trek: The Motion Picture and think, "This movie's boring, I wonder what's on Sleuth." I saw it and thought "This movie's boring, I gotta watch this with Chris!" And watch it we did, though I wouldn't say we were...energized? Get it? Energized? Star Trek? Eh? Eh? Eh.

Anyway if you're a fan of ponderous science-fiction with no sense of pacing, and of two goofballs doing terrible James Doohan impressions while drinking straight Coconut Jack, this movie and this Gymkommentary are for you. And if you're not, may we suggest our upcoming sci-fi reality show V'Ger-sey Shore, about a spaceship full of Gorilla Juiceheads who encounter a mysterious intelligence on the edge of space (i.e. Belmar, New Jersey).


Josh said...

You guys are good. This was damn funny. I was laughing so hard during the wormhole sequence I was almost in tears.

Josh said...

Please do more Star Trek. My first choice would be Star Trek: Insurrection. It would certainly benefit from some good riffing. But also because it almost never gets talked about. It's like the Korean war of Star Trek films.

Zarban said...

Okay. Seriously. If you're going to be this sporadic, you have GOT to at least get a working RSS feed. This is like giving up on Santa because he didn't come at Christmas and then he comes in March, but you're not expecting it and your toys sit under the coffee table for two months until one day you go, "Holy crap! Santa's been here and left just what I wanted!"

I guess what I'm saying is: William Shatner is the greatest man who ever lived.

pinkstononfilm said...

Sadly I can't find the correct version of this film to sync. My roommate's blu-ray version isn't correct nor is the Netflix streaming version. Alas!

Anonymous said...

Great stuff.
More Please!

Derek said...

Great work! This was a lot of fun!

Anonymous said...

Please please please guys do another movie. I have collected all that you have released and re-authored them to DVD I have watched them all a couple times and would love to hear more.

Anonymous said...

"Permission to cum on your face?" That busted me up LOL

Anonymous said...

I hope you do more movies, i love your commentaries. The skype thing is kind of hard to listen to though.